Welcome to the Parlor of Prophets, where our experts will provide you with visions of the future, guaranteed to be more absurd than any actual prophecy.
Browse PropheciesOur team of prophets is comprised of the most skilled and experienced seers, each with their own unique brand of prophecy-style nonsense.
Learn More About Our ProphetsWe're not saying you'll actually have any idea what any of it means, but that's just part of the fun! Our prophecies are 99% accurate. We're not really counting on the 1%. Or are we?
Read Our Latest PropheciesQ: What's the deal with the whole "99% accurate" thing?
A: We're just trying to sound more impressive than we actually are.
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